pilfered_words

 

1. I have an excellent memory for quotes, facts, and ideas. I can quote books from memory after reading them once; I can recite whole paragraphs from my favorite books without particularly trying to memorize anything. When I do try, I end up memorizing the entire first chapter of Eugene Onegin. All 60 stanzas.

 

2. I’m rather fond of my eye color. They’re the kind of light brown that tips toward hazel, especially when I wear green. I wear green as often as possible.

 

3. My ethnicity has two hyphens in it. I’m Russian-Jewish-American, and each part of that is very important to who I am. I am different from Russian Jews in other countries, from non-Russian American Jews, and from non-Jewish Russians in the US. It’s a sub-sub-culture that I love being a part of.

 

4. I’m good at finding exceptions and breaking points. “You said the sky is blue - but really, it’s only blue in the daytime, and only in good weather.” “But if we build the jigglyding sideways, then when the stugglypuff crashes into it, everything will fall apart.” 

 

This is why I’m good at my job. It’s also why some people can’t stand me, but that’s their problem.

 

5. I’m not afraid of being openly enthusiastic about things I like, and I don’t just mean fannish things. This is probably connected to my general lack of a brain-to-mouth filter, which is a character trait I am less fond of, but let’s look on the bright side for a minute. :)

OK, that was a good-ish day. I got a bunch of things done at work, the first shirt I ordered off of Zulily arrived and fits properly, I finished re-reading The Cloud Roads after re-reading The Siren Depths and reading The Edge of Worlds for the first time, I made rice with cherries, and the beginning-of-the-school-year flood of stupid questions at work has become a trickle. 

 

Ugh, I’m tired and twitchy and jittery and ugh. It’s amazing how 3 days ago, I was all sad and apathetic and depressed, and right now I would grab that feeling with both hands if it would let me calm the fuck down.

 

Seriously, I feel like I’m climbing out of my skin. ARG. 

 

Technically, it’s now 12:35, and I’ve missed even the half-hour grace period by 5 minutes. But… whatever, they’re more like guidelines anyway. 

 

Today kind of sucked, in that “didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t see anyone” special way. Eventually culminating in reading fics posted under the “Suicide Attempt” tag on AO3. 

 

The worst part of days like this is that it doesn’t feel all that bad. I just… don’t want to do anything. Sometimes, I’ll actively want to read, or escape into reading from something scary, but days like today? Nah. It’s just the path of least resistance. And the time just slips away… there’s another couple hours gone, oops. And there’s another night, guess you’re not getting enough sleep tonight. Oh, looks like you overslept, might as well not go to work today. And then it piles up… 

 

And I don’t want anyone to see me. Having people around sounds like way too much work. But I’ve done this enough times that I know that the longer I go without seeing anyone, the harder it will be to pull myself out.